so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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