im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he puts the penis in happiness.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
