did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
What drink are we having for lunch?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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