so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
