I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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