My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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