Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
