We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
