my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
