when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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