I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
