my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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