True but thats because hes a fetus.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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