last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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