I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I know her cup size but not her name....
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