I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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