How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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