you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
