She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
