im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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