So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
