"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
