I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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