So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
