I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
