maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
