Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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