okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
soo... how was my night?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
