shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
