I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
