I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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