Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
