eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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