; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
