u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
