I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
