he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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