Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Randomize
