Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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