not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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