Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
