Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
