mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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