If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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