i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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