you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You are a genius and a whore.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
