You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think my moral compass just broke
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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