Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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