This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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