I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
whose ass print is on the piano?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
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